So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
