Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
