i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
