i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Randomize
