why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Come share oat with me in your robe
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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