There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I have peed in a lot of sinks
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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