Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
