there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
