Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
