I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
