my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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