fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
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