Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Randomize
