Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
tell your sister to shave her snatch
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
