i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
