Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
