Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I understand Curling. That high.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
