After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
