Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
