tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
