If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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