Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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