I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Randomize
