She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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