Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
