Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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