She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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