looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
