Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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