imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
