i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
