so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Randomize
