I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
