I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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