i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
