I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
