what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
