me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
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