Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
