so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
