A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
ttyl tear gas
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
