ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
