I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
