Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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