i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
