Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Dear god my vagina.
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