We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
