How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
NoShamevember. You game?
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
