fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
smell my finger.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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