I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
