So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
